OCD

I started looking up information because my behavior has gotten more peculiar lately. I know that I have always had anxiety issues, but recently I have gotten to where I can’t remember things. Nursing school was brutally hard and I could not remember what I had read the night before and tests were excruciating.

So, after careful research via google, I have read that I could possibly have mental disorder. Trichotillomania is a disorder that involves recurrent, irresistible urge to pull out body hair (Mental Health America, 2019). I have always had body issues but I do not feel like this started until after high school. I do not really want to go into detail because I am so embarrassed about it, but I think it is important to share with you.

Mental disorders, anxiety, depression seem to all coexist as one. I wish I could tell you that the treatment is easy but according to Mental Health America, therapy and medications are the only way to control the urges. I really do not want to go to therapy, so I will type out my problems and hope that God can help me with self-control.

If anyone has insight or helpful tips, please share with me.

Parenting choices

I know that people grow up differently from each other. Everyone has different styles on raising their young. My parents, for example, are divorced. I grew up going every other weekend to my dad’s house and spent half my summers with him and his wife and my little sister. They are Jehovah’s Witnesses and very strict on what they expose their children to. For example, my sister and I could not watch any cartoon that had a holiday/birthday/magic theme. I was not allowed to wear a cross necklace from my home to their home. My sister tattled on me once when I wore it and I remember being so pissed that she ratted me out, she was only about 5.

My parents, Mom and Step-dad, raised me to be who I am now. Step-dad (aka Dad) taught me responsibility, hard work, and a father’s love. My mother has supported me in all things, even when I was a rotten teenager and didn’t deserve it. She has my back and is an amazing Maw-maw. I give them full credit for how awesome I am now. But this is just my family, in one town, in one State, in one country.

The world doesn’t seem so big when you’re young and small. Everyday there are children living life without love or security of a parent. Hungry, homeless, orphan, sick, unwanted, and scared kids. Some children are forced to grow up way too soon and be responsible for themselves at an early age. Unfortunately, my husband was one of these kids. An alcoholic teen mom and drug- addict teen dad don’t mix well when fights break out, cops are called regularly, and addiction needs exceed anyone else‘ needs. My husband has been through hell and back and his accomplishments far exceed anything they have done their entire lives combined.

My children are still learning, but I try everyday to tell them that being nice and polite to everyone we meet is important. I also talk to them about being homeless, broke, bullying, etc.,and what it means. I advise them that not all kids have their own rooms. Some mommies and daddies can’t afford to buy a candy bar/ toy every time they go to the store. Little ideas to help them realize that there are some kids that go without and they are lucky to have toys, food, shelter, and clothes.

Thanks for reading and if you want, send me some of the craziest things you’ve had to live through as a kid. I don’t judge and I like hearing other stories as well.

Silly Husband 5/3/19

You know those husbands that are super handy and fix things? My husband is not that husband. He fixes things that do not need fixed, but God love him, he tries. He decided last night to buy a Nest for our thermostat. It took him a good 2 hours trying to get it connected whilst storming back and forth to garage for the breaker box, turning on/off lights, cussing, sweating, reconnecting the old one back (still didn’t work), and finally giving up.

So my husband called someone out to fix it today. Took that guy 15 minutes and we had to pay $70.00… Conversation with husband after he left:

Husband-“Can you take the Nest thing back to Lowe’s and pick up my prescription?”

Husband-“We will just keep the thermostat we have.”

Me-“Good idea.” (I’m a smart ass)

Husband-“Lol.”

Husband-“I was trying to be more efficient on our power bill.”

Husband- “Since you leave every light on.” (He’s also a smart ass)

Me- “ That’s your kids!”

Husband- “Yeah, you count too.”

It is so funny because I do love that he tries, but I knew before he got that thing out of the box that he wouldn’t get it connected right. We have been married for 7 years and I know him like the back of my hand. He does surprise me from time to time. He did connect a light fixture at our old house-I helped. He is great at other things like being a dad, husband, provider, protector, lover, best-friend, and soulmate, that’s more important to me.

May 2, 2019 Depressed Mom (first post)

I just recently left Nursing School. It was really difficult for me to balance life as a mom and wife and put time in for studying. The information just was not clicking in my head. I was not able to connect pathophysiology with diseases and it has destroyed my grades. My self-esteem has plummeted and I’m battling everyday with my emotions, mind, and heart.

My husband, Cory, is very supportive and was not mad about my decision to withdraw from Nursing School. I still feel like a loser and do not know what to do. I have considered getting a job, but my job for 8 years has been to be a mom/wife and I do not know how to be anything else. Has anyone felt like they are lost? At 28 years young, I have failed…again. All I want to do is make my husband proud and help contribute to my family. Is it unfair for me to stay at home with the kids as the husband works and provides for us?

My husband works very hard and makes enough where I can stay home, but he also helps out his mother and grandmother. His heart is bigger than most. He gives his hard-earned money to his family when they are in need and I usually do not mind since he takes care of the bills.

Is it unfair, even though he makes good money, that I stay home? Am I just as bad as his family for making him take care of me, even though I take care of the kids and house? These are the struggles I go through. All my life I have quit when situations get tough. I feel like life is too short to waste on a job I do not like. I want to be a good wife and I want to help. I just do not feel like I am doing enough, yet I am busy everyday taking care of our home, cleaning, cooking and keeping the children alive.

I will say that motherhood is a blessing and I love being a mom to my beautiful girls. I am a good mom, I know because they tell me, and I love my husband and my home. Do not think for a second that I would trade them for anything. I just want to be enough for them.

-Amanda