Hope everyone had a great Memorial weekend! Let me just tell you a little something that happened to me this weekend…
My girls had a sleepover and the hubs and I went to the Little 500 and had a good time without the kids! It was a pretty nice weekend until last night. We were getting ready for bed and I thought the girls were asleep, but they were still on their IPad/IPod. My eldest child decided that she was going to try and delete things she was looking at before I took hers away. That was my first clue.
I sat down in bed and started going through her IPod and I am literally shocked and do not know what to do. She was looking at PORN! She’s only 7! Why in the world is she looking at that stuff already? As I think back to my childhood, I asked my mom about sex at 8 years old. So I guess it is a normal age, but I am terrified to confront MY baby about it. I’m not ready!
You know those husbands that are super handy and fix things? My husband is not that husband. He fixes things that do not need fixed, but God love him, he tries. He decided last night to buy a Nest for our thermostat. It took him a good 2 hours trying to get it connected whilst storming back and forth to garage for the breaker box, turning on/off lights, cussing, sweating, reconnecting the old one back (still didn’t work), and finally giving up.
So my husband called someone out to fix it today. Took that guy 15 minutes and we had to pay $70.00… Conversation with husband after he left:
Husband-“Can you take the Nest thing back to Lowe’s and pick up my prescription?”
Husband-“We will just keep the thermostat we have.”
Me-“Good idea.” (I’m a smart ass)
Husband-“I was trying to be more efficient on our power bill.”
Husband- “Since you leave every light on.” (He’s also a smart ass)
Me- “ That’s your kids!”
Husband- “Yeah, you count too.”
It is so funny because I do love that he tries, but I knew before he got that thing out of the box that he wouldn’t get it connected right. We have been married for 7 years and I know him like the back of my hand. He does surprise me from time to time. He did connect a light fixture at our old house-I helped. He is great at other things like being a dad, husband, provider, protector, lover, best-friend, and soulmate, that’s more important to me.
I just recently left Nursing School. It was really difficult for me to balance life as a mom and wife and put time in for studying. The information just was not clicking in my head. I was not able to connect pathophysiology with diseases and it has destroyed my grades. My self-esteem has plummeted and I’m battling everyday with my emotions, mind, and heart.
My husband, Cory, is very supportive and was not mad about my decision to withdraw from Nursing School. I still feel like a loser and do not know what to do. I have considered getting a job, but my job for 8 years has been to be a mom/wife and I do not know how to be anything else. Has anyone felt like they are lost? At 28 years young, I have failed…again. All I want to do is make my husband proud and help contribute to my family. Is it unfair for me to stay at home with the kids as the husband works and provides for us?
My husband works very hard and makes enough where I can stay home, but he also helps out his mother and grandmother. His heart is bigger than most. He gives his hard-earned money to his family when they are in need and I usually do not mind since he takes care of the bills.
Is it unfair, even though he makes good money, that I stay home? Am I just as bad as his family for making him take care of me, even though I take care of the kids and house? These are the struggles I go through. All my life I have quit when situations get tough. I feel like life is too short to waste on a job I do not like. I want to be a good wife and I want to help. I just do not feel like I am doing enough, yet I am busy everyday taking care of our home, cleaning, cooking and keeping the children alive.
I will say that motherhood is a blessing and I love being a mom to my beautiful girls. I am a good mom, I know because they tell me, and I love my husband and my home. Do not think for a second that I would trade them for anything. I just want to be enough for them.