I’m so fucking lost right now and I have no idea what to do. I want to be a good mom and wife. I want to help. I want to at least feel like I am being helpful.
How did our mothers and grandmothers do it? How do you feel fulfilled when staying home with the kids? Is the world a better place because you chose to raise your kids instead of getting a 9-5 job? The torment I go through with these questions is constant in my head.
I thought I was going to be a doctor. Then college hit and I partied too much. I got pregnant. I became a single mom. I finally met the love of my life, married, and had another baby. But now, I’m 28 years old and I feel like a loser.
I am in school again but took the summer off! (Needed a mental break) I feel like I have accomplished so much and yet nothing at the same time. I don’t contribute to finances. My husband is in charge of bills. I like it this way, so don’t get your panties in a bunch. I have always procrastinated when it came to paying bills so the Hubs took over.
I thought being a mom AND wife was a job. I cook, clean, do laundry, buy groceries, take care of house, pets, kids, etc. I don’t need one more thing. I don’t need extra stress in my life. And honestly I don’t think mentally I can add anymore things to my to-do list. I may just explode.
My kids will both be in school this fall and I look forward to the alone time. I also told the Hubs I would get a job then. I don’t understand why he keeps pushing me to get a job that would end up paying for daycare? I am the daycare, evening care, and night care! 24/7 is my current schedule.
I just want to be happy. That’s it. I want my husband to be proud of me and I want my kids to have the best summer ever with their mommy!
Happy wife, happy life, right?